S TARFLEET GORN OFFICIER ORIGINAL STORY
GORNS IN THE FEDERATION : IS IT POSSIBLE ? This story by permission of the author David Sutton a real Canadian Trekker! A Day in the Life of...Lt. jg. Ptzzrr Frageilux Tactical Officer, U.S.S. Trafalgar NCC-1760, Gamma Shift There was that annoying chiming noise again. It had haunted her through her dreams and now it pursued her into the realm of the living. With a conscious effort she clenched her hand into a fist, a green scaled gauntlet of defiance. She then smashed it into the wall console, scattering plastic around the floor. The chiming noise ceased. "I hate mornings..." she commented to no one. Lt. Ptzzrr Frageilux raised her body off the warm stone slab, removing the gravel-textured covers as a groggy afterthought. She immediately began heading for the shower, set for high-sonic followed by a light rinse of water. She let the high vibrations clear the sleep from her mind. "Computer, give me time and schedule." The computer answered without question. "Ship's time is now 2213 hrs. Your shift begins at 2400 hrs. and ends at 0600 hrs. You are to be in attendance at the Security Hand-to-Hand testing starting at 0630 hrs. No other scheduled events have been located." Ptzzrr stepped out of the shower stall, the water glistening off her leathery green skin. "Who else will be in attendance?" "All other Security Personnel not currently on assigned duty at that time." replied the computer. "Good, it's about time some of those lazy people on Alpha and Beta shift had work to do." She began putting on her Uniform, attempting to make it stretch properly to fit her massive size and shape. "They never made these to fit reptiles." remarked Ptzzrr with some wit. A quick laser-grooming of her ebony claws, attachment of her arm-wraps and she was ready to face the Galaxy. However, there was admittedly one more task to perform. "Lt. Frageilux to ship's Repairs. My comm panel appears to need repairs, could you have someone sent up to fix it again?" A disgruntled voice echoed back. "Again?!" Could it be? "That's the third time this week?!" Yep, got the Tellerite. "Can't you Gorns get up quietly?!" "Would you rather I slept in your bed Mr. Golarg? My offer still stands?" She smiled one of her trademark grins, the large teeth designed for ripping glinted in the window's starlight. Oh how she wished that Tellerite in Engineering could see it. "Crew on its way Lieutenant." groaned Golarg. "PLEASE be more careful next time?! Out." A loud roar escaped Frageilux's throat as she entered the corridor, causing many a new crew member to jump. "That Tellerite can be such a pushover," Ptzzrr mused, "if only people knew how to deal with him." Ptzzrr made her way to the dining hall. Right now the only people there were from the Alpha Shift, having late dinners or that last cup of coffee before turning in for the night. Ptzzrr swept the room with her silvery eyes, looking for an appropriate dining companion. She grinned as she located her Human commanding officer, Lt. Ireland, brooding over some data padds. But priorities first, she collected her typical breakfast. A cage containing small furry creatures with long pink tails, plus one other large box with air holes. The Trafalgar kept special stores for the unique diets of her non-human crew members. And admittedly the replicators had trouble in creating mice. "Good evening sir, might I join you?" Ireland looked up at what had created the monstrous shadow across the table. "Evening Ptzzrr. Go ahead." Ireland then settled back down and attempted to concentrate, with a great lack of success. The squeaking from the panicked mice was driving him to distraction. He placed down his current padd and stared. Ptzzrr paused in mid-swallow, she had noted that Ireland was looking at her directly. Ptzzrr quickly inhaled the offending tail from her latest victim. "Something wrong sir?" Ireland picked the padd back up from the table. "Why must it still be breathing?" Ptzzrr was used to having this conversation. "Our stomachs have trouble processing the nutrients if the food is cooked. Besides, the taste is much better if it's still kicking." she popped another mouse into her mouth, much to its protest, to emphasize her point. She pushed the cage towards Ireland in a gesture of friendliness. "There's plenty to share, would you care for one sir?" Ireland, not known to back down, blanched. "I'll pass this time Ptzzrr, the fur has a tendency to get stuck between my teeth." He began working on his data padds again. Ptzzrr chuckled "That's why the Fire invented claws." A new voice joined the arguement. "Best of luck Frageilux, you should know my now that Human stock from Terra Prime isn't what its cracked up to be by Minerva." They looked up to see the large muscled Human with black bush-cut hair standing there. Even without his attire of skirt uniform and ceremonial short sword, which showed his Magna Roman heritage, it was clear who this devil's advocate was. His deep charismatic voice and expressions used were a complete give-away. Ireland looked up at the new arrival. "I've swallowed gold fish before, and eaten raw fish back home thank you, Ensign." Ens. Maximus now made an exaggerated move to retrieve a mouse from the cage. With a great grin on his face he held the protesting creature above his mouth. Making sure Ireland was watching, he dropped the squirming mouse inside his mouth and began chewing. He took care to spit out any offending bones onto the tray in front of him. "You know, a little monkey's brain jelly, and you'd have a real champion here." He removed the tail from his mouth last of all, placing it on the tray on top of the small pile of bones. Ptzzrr reached over, "May I?" At Maximus' nod she retrieved the tail and placed it in her gapping maw, looking eye-to-eye with Ireland the whole time. "The tails are one of the best parts, are you sure you won't reconsider sir? I brought dessert with me as you can see." Ireland was now retrieving his data padds. "That's quite all right thank you, see you both a 0630 hrs. Lieutenant, Ensign." Ireland now beat a hasty retreat out of the dining hall, much to the amusement of Vellus Maximus. "I'm surprised Lady Ptzzrr!" Maximus was trying to control himself. "I never knew our Lord to be so squeamish." Ptzzrr grinned that toothy smile of hers. "He isn't normally, but he saw what I had brought for dessert." She now brought into Maximus' view the larger container she had retrieved earlier, which Ireland had been able to see and hear all along. Now Maximus could hear the chorus of meowing noises of several small kittens echoing from the larger box. Ptzzrr licked her lips. "Yum!" Even Maximus looked a little taken aback. "You weren't surely My Lady?" Ptzzrr removed one of the critters from the box, a small white kitten. Its eyes were tightly closed and the fear was evident in its cries. "Oh no, these are being taken down to Sickbay for examination. They're Dr. Dunn's new litter. She had an emergency so she asked me to bring them down." A mysterious sparkle appeared in the reptile's eyes. "Of course, I seem to have forgotten to tell Ireland about that little fact." Their roaring laughter could be heard across the hall. The friends settled down to enjoy their shared feast, much to the mice's annoyance. "Beta Shift is relieved." Lt. Martin was now accepting the Captain's chair from Lt. Cmdr. Cal, the head of Beta shift. "I stand relieved. No reports of an unusual activity, Sickbay reported one case of Tillurian Flu, Crewman Ut'war should recover by tomorrow evening." Cal looked on as the members of his shift left their stations. His Bajorian features betrayed his desire that something more interesting had happened. "Should be a quiet night Steven." "Famous last words sir. Good Night." Martin settled into the chair, much like a prince does to a King's throne. He was now calling up his Ops. control for a system check. Lt. Frageilux was now at Tactical. "Quiet night Chief?" C.W.O. Fizbin tilted back his fedora. "Not a tinka', dem Crab heads are laying pretty low toots. Gonna takes a mugshot?" Frageilux clicked her claws in the negative. "Only if the Cardassians do something interesting. Good Night Chief." As Oxmox left Ptzzrr began a full systems check. "Do you think Eir'tha will be alright Linda?" The Human Science Officer behind her ceased her systems check to reply. "Tillurian Flue isn't fatal to Caitans, more like measles to a Human." Ens. Maximus had now manned his station at Helm. "Wonder what's taking Sillenn so long by Mercury?" A whoosh coming from the third turbo-lift told them that their Medusan Navigator had finally arrived. The doors parted admitting a metallic box hovering almost a metre from the floor. The four metallic tentacles attached to the box waved in agitation as it hovered over the Navigation. Lt. Sillenn quickly tied into her Nav. panel. "Why do I always get the lifts that Engineering are using?" Ptzzrr chuckled privately to herself. She was recalling the time the Medusan had come up the emergency shaft on her own power in an attempt to make her shift on time. This had been much to the surprise of a visiting Commodore, who happened to be standing over the chute door at the time. Ens. Olda'winda at Ops. ruffled his feathers, stretching his claws out from the perch he sat on. "Message from Sickbay to Lt. Frageilux, your presence is requested at 0230 hrs." Ptzzrr clacked her claws in approval. "Acknowledged." Ens. Linda Che leaned over from Science again. "Lucky you, now you've got a free reason to nip out for a quick snack." Martin chuckled, nothing escaped his hawk-like human ears. "With an amazing figure like hers, I'm always surprised how she keeps the calories off." This had been a long running joke between the two. Ptzzrr smiled back. "Keeping up with your off-duty activities is more than enough Steven." "Oh the broken hearts you two must leave behind." added Sillenn. "When's the wedding My Lord?" noted Maximus. Olda'winda was flapping his wings in fake horror. "What would your parents say?! Have you thought of them?" Che joined in. "They have, they want the first hatchling to be a girl." Ptzzrr smiled. "With Daddy's eyes right? Thought remember, we promised to name him after my Nest Mother's third cousin Steven." Martin couldn't stop laughing at the picture this was bringing up. Ptzzrr continued "The stares, the gossip..." Ptzzrr leaned closer to the Human, and the two stared deeply into each others eyes, enjoying the shared humour. "We share endure it all in the name of love then." proclaimed Martin. "The scandal, the..." What ever else Martin was going to say was lost in the computer's voice."Battle Drill One will commence in one minute." Ptzzrr growled a sigh. "Next time Steven." At 0227 hrs. Lt. frageilux arrived at the Trafalgar's Sickbay, the dimness of the evening lights clearly indicating that Trafalgar was in the middle of Ship's night. An Eieuon in medical uniform was currently on watch as medical officer, her long furred tail twitching in annoyance. Ptzzrr approached the brown-haired cat-like officer, noting that its whiskers were twitching in concern. "Reporting as ordered Lieutenant, or should I say Doctor?" Dr. Starbright twirled her tail in amusement. "Oh drop the formalities Ptzzrr, I just used them so my request would look good on the record. So don't be a Tail-Kinker!" With the grace and agility of her race she sprang over the duty table, then wrapped her tail around Ptzzrr's arm in greeting. "This is going to need your special abiltities." Ptzzrr warmly stroked Starbright's tail in affection. "What have you poked you tail into this time?" Starbright's tail curled in further amusement as she led Ptzzrr back towards the private rooms in Sickbay. Crewman Ut'war was asleep on the bed, still recovering from Tillurian Flu. His black fur was damp and matted with sweat, but his breathing was strong. Starbright guessed Ptzzrr's thoughts. "He's not the problem, Eir'tha is going to be just fine, bless the Goddess. It's his pet that's the problem, I think Lister is lonely." Ptzzrr chuckled a low growl, as much from relief as from amusement. "Is that all? I think I can give Lister a home for a while, do you have his supplies?" "They're in in the iso-lab, one twitch." Starbright removed her tail from Ptzzrr's grasp and sprang towards the back of Sickbay. Ptzzrr looked down at Ut'war, he was purring soundly as he slept. "Don't mind me Eir'tha." said Ptzzrr privately, "I'll make sure Lister is well fed, for a suitable price of course." Starbight had returned carrying a large container full of small round furballs. They were cooing and purring in happiness, oblivious to their fate. Starbright's tail found its welcome way back around Ptzzrr's arm. "A Tribble for your Troubles?" Starbright's tail curled in laughter as she handed the box to the Gorn. "Thank you my friend." Ptzzrr's large tongue licked the lips of her huge maw. "Lister and I are going to feast well tonight, that Python has a great taste in food." Starbright's tail hairs flared up slightly as her ears flattened. "Must you really talk abut eating them?" Ptzzrr lightly patted Starbright's tail in a comforting gesture. "They're pests just like the Grabfoots on your world. However my people feast on them, if the Federation would only share its blessing of Tribbles, then more of my People would feel friendship towards the Federation. Maybe more then just twelve of us would join StarFleet!" One of the Tribbles was trying to roll outside the box and escape, Ptzzrr solved this dilemma by popping it into her mouth. "They are quite delicious Starbright, care to try?" "To each their own." Starbright removed her tail from Ptzzrr's arm as it coiled in further laughter. "Just don't forget to feed Lister with some now!" It was 0640 hrs. aboard the Trafalgar, the main holo-deck had been cleared and only members of the Security Crew remained here. Being Head of the Department, Lt. Ireland was addressing the assembled crew. "It's that time of year again, we'll be assessing how well you've learned your lessons. And whether or not you need further time assigned for practice sessions on the holo-deck." C.P.O. Growlexxeroffi was stretching next to Frageilux. "A bit long winded isn't he, how does he find mates?" Ptzzrr rumbled in a low chuckle. "Oh he's not bad, for a human." Ptzzrr continued flexing her scales, the leathery skin breathing now, helping her to cool down. "More action, less talk." growled Growlexxeroffi. "I wager I'll have the huuuuman in the third round. Want to see monkey fly?" Ptzzrr continued her exercises, ignoring her commanding officer's droning. "Have you been seeing Lucassiss again?" Growlexxeroffi flicked her tail up, signalling to Ptzzrr that she'd hit the mark. "He is desirable, for a Kzinti. The tree climbers haven't corrupted his Hero's Blood." Ireland was finally finishing. "Are we ready Gentlebeings? Please report to your assigned match rings, and happy hunting!" Growlexxeroffi purred. "Lousy speech, good ending. I wonder how well he screams?" Ptzzrr wasn't going to ask what that meant... Lt. Ptzzrr. flexed her enourmous arms as she slowly and deliberately entered the ring. The Andorian across from her turned a lighter shade of blue, much to Ptzzrr's delight. "Mr. Starfire, it is an honour to meet such a noble opponent so early in the testing." Ptzzrr flashed that trademark grin of hers. Crewman Starfire twitched his antenna in respect as he bowed. "The honour is mine scaly one, it shall be a pleasure to remove your teeth one at a time. Then feast on your remains while you watch from the heavens." Ptzzrr growled in unrestrained delight. "You're still a silver-tongued devil Koola. Am I still having you for dinner tonight?" "Only on one condition sir, no pulling punches." Ptzzrr agreed to the terms, and then began the fight. True to her word, she didn't hold back. Starfire realized this most when Ptzzrr succeeded in grabbing him, then using only the one arm, threw him clear across the holo-deck. He impacted on the bulkhead with a solid thunk. "Next victim!" announced Ptzzrr, much to the cheering of her friends there. Koola brushed himself off and saluted the victor, much to the crowd's delight. Ens. Mawditt was the next candidate for Ptzzrr's amusement. "Is that a Horta in your pants or are you just scared to see me?" Mawditt wasn't going to allow himself to be thrown off be this easy banter. "You won't get me like you did last year sir. I just might have some surprises in store for you." She clacked her claws in approval, the safety covers on them muffling the sound. "A challenge, good! I like my meals to have some spirit in them, especially the human ones! Let's begin." Though Mawditt proved himself well, it was simply a matter of time before his inevitable defeat. Ptzzrr observed this with some wit at the end. "You were right Kirk, you did have some secrets in store for me, guess I'll have to sit on them." Mawditt, stuck underneath Ptzzrr's huge form, could only wave acknowledgement... A quick shower to cool down and Ptzzrr was ready for the next contestant. "Lynxerrowl! Are you prepared to let the fur fly again today as it did last time?" The Lynxoid grinned back, baring her ruby-coloured teeth in a grin of pleasure. "Your skin is tough, good. It means I can enjoy myself more when using my claws!" To emphasize her point she unsheathed her mighty razors of death. "Fair's fair." clacked Ptzzrr in agreement, she removed the safety covers from her claws. Oh how good it felt to get those accursed things off! "Someone have a medical unit on stand-by, this is going to be a joy and a pleasure!" Ptzzrr had been friends with C.P.O. Growlexxeroffi long enough to learn her species' weaknesses. She used these lessons to great effect against poor Lynxerrowl. Though Lynxerrowl did fight hard, she also fell to the green juggernaut. Later, after the match, they settled back to watch the other matches still in progress, while being treated my medical staff on site. "You fight well, it was most enjoyable sir." Lynxerrowl was having a broken leg set while being refreshed. "It was my pleasure Lynxerrowl, its always good to meet people who enjoy their work." The Gorn was having three of her fingers pushed back into their sockets. "Where'd you learn that new trip move of yours, I've never seen it before." "A little trick I picked up from the Iotian, Fizbin." She yelped slightly as her hind toes was shoved back into place. "Where's Growlexxeroffi, she was supposed to meet me here?" Ptzzrr pointed over to the centre ring. Inside the large Lynxoid could be seen stalking the Human Ireland, Growlexxeroffi was living up to her word. "Playing with her food I would imagine..." Lynxerrowl extended out a small box to Ptzzrr. "Mouse?" "Don't mind if I do..." One of these days the mice were going to join the Federation and register a protest... Next was the Vulcan Torvack. "Well well, one of the founding members of the Federation."Yeoman Torvack bowed. "You know our history well sir. It would be logical to assume that your knowledge in combat is just as thorough." He appeared completely calm, as befitted his race. "History no, Vulcan Anatomy yes." Ptzzrr licked her scaly lips in anticiptation, this one was going to be difficult to phase. "You Vulcans have no emotions." "That isn't exactly true sir." commented Torvack as he entered a fighting stance. His brows furrowed in concentration. "Good, cause you're going to experience some now!" Ptzzrr charged with lightning quickness to the attack, only to find Torvack equal to every move she made. Ptzzrr couldn't help but admire the new recruit's abilities. "You've been studying Yeoman, excellent! I can see why you transferred to Security." "Thank you sir." Torvack continued his quick darting movements. "I've taken it upon myself to study Gorn anatomy." With that warning he now suddenly lunged forward and with a quick grasp squeezed the nerve juncture at Ptzzrr's neck. The Gorn colossus began to sag and a ghost of a smile spread across Torvack's face. It was at that moment that a mouse ran across the padded floor, chased by a quickly moving grey furred figure in a Security uniform. It had the effect of distracting Torvack long enough that he failed to note that Ptzzrr was no longer sinking to the ground. She gave him a polite reminder with her joined fists, as the green scaled ram of force connected with a resounding crack to his chin. The stunned figure was flung out of the ring by the momentum, leaving a trail of green blood to the smiling Gorn. He would probably call the whole experience quite fascinating, when he was conscious enough to appreciate it better. "Never become distracted Yeoman, you'd know that if you'd been in Security as long as I have." She went over and checked the pulse of the still Vulcan. He was still breathing. "Besides, you should know that FEMALE hides are too thick for that nerve pinch trick." Growlexxeroffi, the offending grey blur from earlier, approached Ptzzrr. The Lynxoid was carrying the mouse distraction by its tail with her teeth. "Explanation for the interruption Chief?" demanded Ptzzrr. Growlexxeroffi winked her ears in a gesture of surprise. "It wasn't really Maximus' fault, how was he to know a Monkey was going to be dropped on him?" Apparently she was referring to what had happened at the conclusion of another fight. Ptzzrr plucked the mouse from the Lynxoid's mouth and held the squirming form up high. From what she had read and seen earlier of the new crew members, she had a good idea of who was doing this dropping. "Let me guess, P'velt Dray?" A shadow now swooped down from the ceiling and with a claw snatched away the mouse from Ptzzrr's hand. Ptzzrr and Growlexxeroffi both looked up and laughed at the flying form now holding the squealing rodant. "Guilty as charged sir, but to the victor go the spoils!" Crewman Dray then did a roll and spread his wings to hover. Ens. Maximus stepped past the medical team to join them, his large grin a give-away of his reason for being here. "Excuse me My Lady, but did you perchance see a mouse go by here..." Ptzzrr's next opponent was one of the crew's Insectoids, this one possessing a full complement of eight legs and stinger. The Gorn soon realized that she had her hands, literally, full. "What does it take to make you let go?!"Zeenicce was showing the same frustration. "What does it take to make you drop?!" The Insectoid had repeatedly stung the Gorn, only to have her thick hide repulse the attack. Zeenicce was now wrapped around Ptzzrr's back, using three sets of legs to keep the Gorn's arms pinned while the rest repeatedly bashed at her head looking for a weakness. "It used enough enough poison to kill many others." Ptzzrr had grown tired of trying to get her arms free and now was repeatedly bashing Zeenicce against the bulkhead with full force. "I'm no other, >BLAM!< I'm a woman you drone!" "Same difference my queen." commented Zeenicce. His solid exo-skeleton was protecting him from the blows, though a series of notable dents had appeared along the bulkhead. "Where >THRUM!< are your ears?" "Ears?! On a Gorn?" They had attracted a considerable audience now. Their match was the only one from the fifth round still continuing. "Sometime today would be nice people." muttered Lt. Ireland, growing more impatient with the stalemate. The combatants chorused back. "With all due respect my Queen, >KERTHRAM!< SHUT UP!" That got a roar of approval from the crowd as the battle moved towards the changing areas."Are you sure this is a >THUD!< good idea my Queen?" Zeenicce had ceased his attempts at locating Ptzzrr's ears and was now attacking her neck. His lack of success equalled Ptzzrr's. "Why, you have no sex, so there should be >BOOM!< no problem about which showers I enter." Yet another solid crash into the wall failed to dislodge the Insectoid. The rooms current inhabitants quickly vacated to make room for these unstoppable forces. "It, no. However you do possess >THRUD!< gender. This room for male gender species only." "It was the closest >KERTHUM!< of the three." "A wise choice my Queen. Are you considering >BLAMG!< a change in tactics then? Or are you overheating?" Zeenicce had accurately noted that the Gorn was slowing down. "You >THRAMP!< noticed?" The walls were now showing good signs of damage. The look this would cause on Mr. Golarg's face brought a quick smile to Ptzzrr's face. She switched on all the showers to full blast, allowing her to bathe in the cold streams of moisture. Ptzzrr smiled as her skin grew slick. "Brace yourself Zeenicce." She once again threw herself at the wall, yet this time she twisted to take the blow on her side. Zeenicce sliped off the Gorn's back, as he could no longer use his barbed legs to gain a grip on the newly slick skin. "Clever my Queen. But how will the Queen see this?" They both studied each other, wondering how Lt. Ireland would react to the mess. They mutually realized the futility of continuing this battle. Ptzzrr extended out her hands to Zeenicce, who took them gladly. They rubbed heads in a gesture of friendship and agreement. "Right, we'll call it a draw..." It was late in the day for them, and Gamma shift were enjoying a large feast to celebrate the day's events. The dining hall was full, as almost everyone had found the time to be here. "I still find it hard to believe Ireland beat you Growlexxeroffi?" Ens. Che had been listening to the stories being told. The Lynxoid bristled noticeably at the insult the Che had accidently used. "He bit my tail! Only BABIES bit tails!" Che attacked her salad with a furry. "It worked, didn't it?" Maximus howled in laughter! "Well by Apollo I just loved his expression when his Lordship saw who he was meeting in the finals! A classic moment in history!" Crewman Dray pecked at his seeds, as he was a confirmed vegatarian. "How was I to know he hates heights? I only picked him up and dangled him upside down over the floor." Lt. Sillenn gestured with a tentacle high into the air, more for the local audience's benefit then for a need to stretch. "Fifty FEET above the floor Crewman?" she noted sarcastically. "Over a non-padded area..." added Lt. Martin. Dray ruffled his feathers in concern, he hadn't realized they were taking his actions against his commanding officer so seriously. "Have I caused offense here?" Che and Maximus burst out laughing again. Growlexxeroffi flicked her ears up in surprise, then realized that poor Dray had no idea that they were pulling his tail. Or feathers as the case may be, she figured this misunderstanding should be cleared up. "We wouldn't have honoured you be having you join us if we were offended Dray." She purred as another Tribble met a gruesome fate. "This is our way of congratulating you!" "Well the good news is we have a new champion!" announced Ptzzrr to a rousing cheer from Gamma Shift. "The bad news is that Lt. Ireland has seen fit to assign Gamma Shift more training exercises." A round of boos and other interesting noises made their rounds, but they were mostly good natured. Sillenn hovered up to get the crowds attention. "Don't worry though, we'll get through this just like everthing else those disgusting Day people throw at us." A cheer responded, as Gamma shift took pride in its never ending rivalry with the other shifts. Sillenn let the noise die down before finishing. "Besides, he doesn't know what's in store for him tonight." That got the laughter going, and Dray was now warmly welcomed on as a member of the Gamma Shift and the U.S.S. Trafalgar. His new assignment and home. Ens. Olda'winda flapped his wings in excitement, as he had missed out on all the fun of setting their surprise for the Human Lieutenant. "Why do I have a feeling that this has something to do with Lister's missing food supply?" Ptzzrr grinned that smile that terrified a thousand hearts. "Oh come now, Ireland
won't find it all too Tribblesome..." The Author : David SUTTON |
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